I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
