my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
