I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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