He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
