3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
