He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
