I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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