You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
