I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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