His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
