Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
