I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
