Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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