tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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