just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
