We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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