oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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