My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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