its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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