He disabled his match.com account in front of me
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
