No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
