I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
