Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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