it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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