I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
