True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
