got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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