What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
