My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
