yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
