Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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