It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
