apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
