It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
