What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize