Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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