i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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