I want to have your abortion
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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