Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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