I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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