and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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