remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
