The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
