If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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