New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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