It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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