Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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