if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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