I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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