wakey wakey hands off snakey
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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