i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
